Midnight Goddess

Ok, this post is a day late. But that’s ok.

I was worried for a few weeks because we’ve been on a tight budget. In fact, we’re behind on several bills. We just barely paid our rent today. Anyway, I wasn’t sure we were going to be able to afford to do anything for Memphis’ 7th birthday. He’s such a sweet, loving, intelligent boy. He can be pissy and demanding sometimes. But all kid have their moments. I didn’t want to disappoint him on his birthday.

I wanted to buy Memphis at least a few things: Nintendogs Dalmation and Friends DS, Buildabear DS, a portable dvd player, Spongebob Season 1, and Wall-E DS. I also wanted to take him to Gilroy Gardens. He had expressed interest in going there since none of us have ever been there before. I had researched it and found out that if we buy the tickets online, it would save us $30. I made the decision to save at least $200 for the gifts.

At the very last minute I was able to save enough for all the gifts. But there was still the question of how to make enough for the Gilroy Gardens trip. However, God was looking out for us. Marty was able to collect enough metal for recyling which would be used to pay for our amusement park trip.

Memphis really wanted a big party like Tyler but one, I didn’t have enough $$$ for that and 2, I don’t deal well being surrounded by a lot of people for a long period of time. I didn’t want to disappoint him which is why I figured taking him to Gilroy Gardens would be a good alternative.

Yesterday was Memphis’ birthday. When Memphis got up and raced to the family room, he looked around the room. I think he was expecting a big party, decorations, a cake, and a ton of presents. I could see a flicker of sadness in his eyes when he realized there was nothing waiting there. I greeted him a happy birthday and gave him hugs and kisses. I told him that when Dad gets back, he can open his presents. He waited anxiously while he slowly ate his breakfast.

Marty then called me up and said that it didn’t take long at Sims and he also found Buildabear DS, the last of the things on my shopping list. When he got home, I quickly wrapped up the gift and dropped it in a large Spongebob bag that held the rest of Memphis’ gifts. When I came out with the bag, Memphis’ eyes grew wide. I snapped a bunch of pictures as Memphis eagerly ripped open his gifts. He was so happy and excited getting all the gifts. I knew that me and Marty did good and that I picked the right ones for Memphis.

After everyone was dressed, we headed to Gilroy Gardens. I had already bought tickets online. It was scorching hot when we got there but there weren’t very many people. I was glad about that and the fact that I made sure me and the kids wore shorts. We didn’t have to wait in line because of the fact that we already bought our  tickets. Plus, there weren’t very many people and we had arrived at 2 pm, 4 hours before the park was going to close for the day.

Gilroy Gardens was pretty cool but I wouldn’t buy season passes. It was interesting looking at the circus trees. I did take a few photos of those. We also got on a few rides that the entire family could get on: Panorama Wheel, Sky Rail, and Backroads. When we had first arrived at the park, we had to walk far just to find the restaurant where we wanted to eat. It wasn’t even a restaurant. It was like a food stand with very few places outside to eat. It was also right next to the water park. A bunch of kids in bathing suits were running around and getting wet. Neither Memphis or Jaz showed any interested in getting wet, thankfully. I did bring towels but they didn’t want to go to the water park. When Marty brought the food over, we tried to sit at the picnic table and eat. But the hamburger tasted nasty. The patty and lettuce were dry and sandwiched between wheat buns. Memphis ate most if not all of his burger. And we kept getting pestered by annoying bees. At one point, a bee landed on my burger and started walking all over. I lost my apetite at that point. That lunch was not worth even half of the $40 we spent on it.

We also checked out a few of the shops. Amazingly enough, Memphis didn’t want to buy anything. I was actually prepared to buy him and Jaz each something. But they didn’t want anything.

We did have fun at Gilroy Gardens. But there was a lot of walking and too much heat involved. I think the worse thing that happened was when we all sat down on a bench to cool off with churros and cold cokes. I wanted to rearrange my bag and nearly had a heart attack when I realized it wasn’t on my shoulder. There was a look of crazed anger in Marty’s eyes as he sped off to the Sky Rail, the ride we were last on. I was panicking because I was afraid of the huge embarassing blowup that I would have to face. I didn’t want this to happen on Memphis’ birthday.

When Marty arrived with no bag, I started to get even more nervous. He told me that a lady over at the other ride said that she saw a black bag hanging from the Panorama Wheel. We looked over and saw my bag hanging on a pole at that ride. I thanked God for looking out for me as I retrieved the bag. I also thanked Marty for not getting mad at me.

We left around 5 pm. Everyone was exhausted from all the heat and walking. Even Memphis wanted to go home. So I wasn’t going to push it. The park was going to close at 6 pm anyway.

When we got home, we just relaxed and Memphis played with his new things. We had a quick and easy dinner of honey BBQ chicken while Memphis had left over pizza. Then we took off for Bart’s house so Marty could get paid for the previous week’s work.

After that, we got home. I baked a chocolate cake that filled the apartment with a sweet aroma. Unfortunately, when I pulled it out, the center was still liquid. So Marty picked up a chocolate cake at Safeway. Memphis put the candles in the cake and Marty lit them up with his torch LOL. We sang Memphis a happy birthday and he blew out the candles. He had made a wish that he can have a puppy. Someday…

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Me and Memphis haven’t done anything that looks remotely like homeschooling (or school at home as unschoolers call it) in probably over half a year. He doesn’t know it but Marty and I had agreed that unschooling him and Jaz was the best approach for us as a family. It’s been a pretty rocky road in the sense that it hasn’t been easy. My mind keeps screaming at me that unschooling isn’t teaching our kids what we had to learn in a tradition classroom setting. There are no grades, tests, or curriculum that we follow. Plus, I’ve also adopted unschooling as our lifestyle as well as our parenting. It’s been tough because me and Marty have been raised the old school way. Memphis had been disciplined, yelled at, and spanked since he was a year old. And we thought it was justifiable because we were his parents and we didn’t want him to grow up to be an uncontrollable person.

Disciplining Memphis the old school way was detrimental to him as a person. I decided a few weeks ago that I was going to do away with the traditional disciplining and use unschooling instead. I haven’t raised my hand to him since then. I’m very proud of myself. Granted, it was been very trying and difficult, shredding my patience to pieces at times. I haven’t stopped yelling at Memphis but it has been greatly reduced as I learn to use other more peaceful methods. It’s been a great learning experience.

Instead of yelling and spanking Memphis, I have learned to do things like talking it out with him or distracting him with other things. I’ve also “grounded” him from things like the Wii or the computer when he has done things that have upset us. Yes, this is going against unschooling but it sure beats physically or verbally harming him. I’m sure in the near future, “grounding” will not be used any longer. I’m taking things in steps.

Memphis had gotten into trouble last night because first he stuck his foot in the toilet right after he had peed in it. Yes, very gross and unsanitary. And then he and his sister were pouring water in and out of the toilet during their bath time. Again, gross and unsanitary. Marty flipped out because of the fact that his niece and nephew had been in the habit of going to the bathroom and not washing their hands. That in turn caused almost everyone at Mike and Robbie’s house to get very sick, vomitting constantly and being sent to the hospital. Unfortunately, even Memphis caught it and suffered the vomitting bout and staying the night at the hospital.

Marty didn’t spank Memphis but he did tell me what happened. I angrily yelled at Memphis but didn’t lay a hand on him. Instead, I grounded him from going outside or using the computer for 7 days. I know it was a drastic punishment. However, it was all I could to prevent myself from spanking him.

So today, when Memphis was announcing that he was bored, I offhandedly suggested that he could do some pages from his kindergarten workbook. I figured that if he didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t press the issue. After all, I was going by the methods of unschooling. Surprisingly, he agreed and got out his workbook and crayons. It had not been opened up since we bought it at Walmart months ago.

He sat down next to me at the computer desk and set to work doing the first several pages. He asked how many pages he “had to do” and I just told him do as many as he want to. When we were “homeschooling”, I insisted on him doing 20 pages. Come to think of it, whenever I homeschooled Memphis from the ages of 4-6, it was a constant stressful battle which would leave the both of us angry and in tears.

Instead, Memphis flew through 22 pages quickly and without the slightest of issues. He understood the directions, wrote the numbers very well, and answered my questions regarding the pages he was doing easily. I was very proud of him. I took some pictures of our “session” and will post them up soon.

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On the spur of the moment, Marty decided to take me and the kids to the Rose Garden this afternoon. Memphis had been talking about putting pennies in a water fountain and went as far as drawing, coloring, and cutting out his own little water fountain to drop his pennies in so he can make wishes. I jumped at the idea because it’s a peaceful, very large park where the kids can run around and spend their energy. Plus, I brought my camera to take photos of them.

When we arrived, it looked the same as it did years ago when I graduated from Pioneer in ‘97. It was very beautiful and still very peaceful. There were a few other people there too. The kids went nuts! They ran, jumped, hid, and climbed their way through the park. They had such a blast. I took a like 50 photos of the 15-20 minutes that we were there.

Memphis and Jaz both tossed pennies in the large water fountain. They both wanted to play in the water fountain. And I would have let them too if it was our fountain. I know they would have had a blast. But the fountain is fenced off. So we had to keep them from climbing over the fence and into the fountain.

As we walked through the park, I thought about my graduation and how that was over 10 years ago. A lot of things had changed in my life since then. I remember how most of the girls in my class insisted on wearing their nice high heels under their grad gowns. But me and my friend Elizabeth said, “Fuck that” and wore our Doc Martens boots. But most of the class did wear shades because it was very sunny that day. It was good thing we wore our boots. While the other girls were sinking in the marshland of mud and grass, me and Elizabeth were comfortably hanging out in our boots.

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Well, both of the kids are sick. Memphis got sick first a few days ago. And late last night, Jaz started sniffiling and coughing. So I’ve been feeding them their medicine every four hours. I would periodically give Memphis a cough strip when his cough gets bad.

I’m not sure when they will get better. But at least they’re not going to school and getting other kids sick. They haven’t been outside in a few days other than when me and Marty take them with us to run errands and to get some fresh air. A couple days ago, I figured the kids could use some fresh air. So I took them outside to play in the playground. Jaz especially loved being outside because I don’t let her outside alone with Memphis. Reason? She’s only 2 1/2 years old and needs parental supervision. She’s very active and rambunctious but also has a weak right ankle that gives out on her even when she’s walking.

Anyway, while Jaz was sliding down the slide, I turned to look at Memphis who had been running around the playground doing his “laps”. He doesn’t run very fast but he likes doing it, even running laps in our very small apartment. I wouldn’t mind letting him run around in the apartment. Unfortunately, we have a neighbor living underneath us who also happens to be our apartment manager. I remember what it was like living on the ground floor and hearing every little thud, thump and sound day in and day out from our upstairs neighbors. It was quite irritating.

Well, when I turned to look at Memphis, I saw him mid-air before he pretty much ate the concrete corner on the ground. I heard the sickening sound of his face hitting the concrete. Memphis got up quickly and started running around and then suddenly felt the extreme pain. I had to stop him as he bawled from the pain. The entire left side of his face and his hands and arms got banged up bad. I had to scoop Jaz up and take both kids up stairs. Luckily, Marty had just gotten home so he was able to clean up Memphis’ face. Poor Memphis… He looked like he got beat up.

I took a shot of him today and it doesn’t look nearly as bad as the first day. We had given him a frozen slab of meat to put on his face. He didn’t like the extreme coldness of it. At least he didn’t get a blackeye or cut his skull open. Anyway, the important thing is that Memphis is doing ok despite all of that.

Last night we went to Walmart in Gilroy. We had gone to Toys R Us in town but it closed at 7 so we were too late. We bought Memphis a new 3 pack of DS pens since he misplaced the 4 he had. I have no idea what happened to them. Believe me, I looked. I have a strong feeling that it was Jasmine’s doing. She always gets into his stuff.

Marty also bought Jaz her very own box of Crayola crayons. It’s a cool Crayola box with an easy to open lid that holds several sets of crayons ranging in 60+ on up. Marty emptied all the crayons into the box. She’s had a thing for crayons for several months now. She finds a crayon and insists that the wrapper be peeled off. Sometimes she even breaks them in half. And she’ll carry a crayon with her all day long.

Last night, Jaz picked out her first crayon and had me peel off the entire wrapper. Then she broke it in two. Today, she gave me another crayon, a pink one that’s named “Razzle Dazzle Rose.” Love that name =)

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Since all the families moved out of our side of the building by the beginning of this year, Memphis didn’t have anyone to play with outside. But when the apartment complex decided to re-lease their apartments again, families started moving into our building.

Almost everyday, if not several times in a day, Memphis would eagerly go outside to play with two hispanic kids named Fernando and Alicia. Fernando looks to be about 4 or 5 and Alicia looks to be Memphis’ age. He also plays with a white boy named Justin who lives in the other apartment building across the way. I’m very happy that he has kids to play with again. He gets to interact with other kids.

But I have to keep an eye on the the hispanic kids. They’re very rowdy, bossy, rude and they play rough. I’ve had to yell at Fernando constantly to stop hitting Memphis. I don’t have problems with Justin. He’s more assertive but seems very nice and more well-behaved than Fernando and Alicia.

Yesterday, Marty was talking to our apartment manager Stephanie. She warned him about Fernando and Alicia because they were talking back to her after she reprimanded them on several occasions. They had been making a mess around the playground as well as the pool area. Each time she reprimanded them, they both rudely talked back to her and informed her that they don’t have to listen to her.

Stephanie also had reprimanded them, Memphis included, one day when they were spreading the tan bark around the playground and on the steps. She was happy to report that Memphis immediately stopped what he was doing and went home. Me and Marty were extremely proud of him. It showed that we’re doing something right when it comes to parenting our kids.

During lunch at McDonald’s today, we praised Memphis up and down for being a well-behaved child and not talking back to Stephanie. We carefully tried to explain to him that just because Fernando and Alicia do and say certain things, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s ok. We told him that we were very proud of him for stopping what he was doing and going home instead of causing more trouble for Stephanie. I think he understood but I also know that we will have to repeatedly reinforce it for him to remember.

Later today, Memphis went downstairs to play with the kids. Fernando came outside with two badminton rackets. A few minutes later, I witnessed him hitting Memphis with one of the rackets. Memphis sped off to the other side of the playground, crying to himself. I told Memphis to come home and I yelled at Fernando not to hit Memphis anymore. Of course, he denied doing it.

Marty came into the room and I told him to go talk to Fernando’s parents about what just happened. He told Fernando’s dad what had happened and he apologized. He then yelled at Fernando to come upstairs. I heard him hit the kid, causing him to cry hysterically.

I just have to keep an eye out for Memphis when he’s with other kids. He’s such a sweet, sensitive kid.

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